A familiar shudder passed through me when I first heard of the Ice Road Truckers feature film. Thinking about it again, I decided that it mightn’t be quite be so bad. A feature film based on some tough guys in a tough place. Modern pioneers. Taken in the right direction, this could be a rather enjoyable film. High paced and action packed. The kinda film that’s forgiven for not having “a real story”. Mixing tremendous feats of man over ice and man over machine. Two stroke diesel meets The Fast and The Furious. Despite the potential for trucker on trucker combat, nature is man’s true enemy and the ultimate climax is man fighting a polar bear, Hopkins Style.

Money see money do. The rip roaring success of Ice Road Truckers will inevitability attempt to repeat itself be it in the form of a sequel, spin off or the rapid expansion of the successful movie’s subgenre (not to mention remakes, TV shows, video games or breakfast treats). It’s a natural progression that once we’ve cracked one reality TV to feature film crossover that more will follow. And The Deadliest Catch will be hot on the heels of Ice Road Truckers. The all-too-obvious route would be to mimic Jaws. But to break away from the disappointing field of Jaws rip-offs The Deadliest Catch needs a spin. Pirates. (Jobsian Pause) And if we’re not empathetic enough about the deadliest catch crew we’ve also got a cruise ship, TV’s The Love Boat. Children, couples, swingers and a preacher are gonna be at risk. Plus you just know that Isaac Washington is gonna cut loose and kick some pirate ass any minute now. I think the shark must be spared, not only for the sequel, but because defeating a wild creature is always a somewhat stunted victory. The shark eating the pirates though, that will smack of success. As the shark and the deadliest catchers part ways they are left with a mutual respect for each other. Cut print perfect.

Wife Swap can work too, but only with the right casting. My choice is Owen Wilson versus John Cryer. These actors set the scene: Cryer as the uptight, neurotic worry-wort and Wilson as the zany class clown who never grew up. But this movie is really going to be made by the wives. Cryer’s wife will require the talents of Sarah Silverman. She’ll start as domineering, in a similar vein to her School of Rock character, but when push comes to shove with Owen Wilson’s zaniness she’ll transform and surprise us like a high school prom movie. Wilson’s wife, played by Kristin Chenoweth will need to be flirty, but chaste, still slowly wearing away at Jon Cryer as the movie goes on. Only Chenoweth can nail all this while retaining an ernest element of sweetness. I’m not really sure where this film is going, but it is most certainly a romp. And that’s whats important.